The Start of My Story – It’s Your Life, Remember to Live It

Reflection

So here I am on an early Sunday morning thinking about my life. At the time of writing this I am 30, nearing 31 and thinking about what I have achieved in life. Am I where I thought I would be at this age? Am I living my life the way I want to?

Single, living alone, working a job that is long hours, low pay and doesn’t fulfill me. Living for the weekends to then find your friends are busy with their families and have other priorities. Sound familiar?

The world is currently suffering from the Covid-19 pandemic. The UK is on lock down and so for the past 8 weeks I have been on my own. Just me and the dog. And it looks like this will be the case for a while longer.

Now I can tell you right now that 8 weeks complete isolation is a lot of time to contemplate life.

One thing I did decide during this lock down period was to change my surname back to my maiden name. I had simply held off reverting back to my maiden name for the pure fact that I didn’t want to pay for a new passport and I didn’t want to deal with the admin.

So 8 years after my divorce I filled out the Deed Poll submission and a couple of days later my Change of Name Deed came through the post, all crisp and clean. 

And so with my old but new name now sorted I began reflecting again on my current life situation. I do quite a lot of reflecting. And this isn’t the first time I have got into a rut and wanted to walk away from my current life.

But I seem to find a way to stick a bandage over that feeling for a short while and continue on as normal. 

But this time I’ve decided I’m going to hold myself accountable. This time I’m going to make a plan and change things for the better. I don’t want to wake up in five years time and still be in the same position like I have been for the previous 5 years. 

What is it I am unhappy about? Where am I lacking in fulfillment in my life? Will I look back in years to come and think “Elizabeth, you lived your life to the fullest”.

In simple terms I feel I am behind in life.

Now I know these days we are told there is no right order to do things, and I totally get that. But I feel if I am not happily married or in a happy relationship then I should at least be doing well in my career. But I feel behind in that too. 

I have very few single friends. A large majority of my friends are starting families or already have families of their own.

And I think this is where I am feeling some disconnect. I had assumed I would be in the same place but I’m not. Life and circumstances changes us all.

I have always been quite entrepreneurial. I always have ideas that I can put into practise. But something is always missing. I end up in jobs that I dislike, that aren’t paid well and I just keep moving from job to job.

I want success, I want to be proud of the work that I do and that I have built something from the ground up. 

That Ah Ha Moment

During this time of reflection I am also focusing on what I have done in my life where I felt great. Is this something I can build on? Do more of?

I did a charity mud run for Water Aid and loved it. I loved the sense of achievement, the pride of completing a challenge which was like nothing I had done before. The team work I had witnessed and been part of that day.

Taking the plunge on a last minute group holiday to the Philippines but actually spending majority of the travel time on my own. Navigating myself through multiple islands, getting control of my anxiety and realising people across the world, 9 times out of 10 are genuinely friendly and will go out of their way to help you.

Doing a road trip through Florida with a friend I had only met in person a handful of times before, seeing and experiencing some amazing places together.

What did these things have in common?

They were all challenges that were out of my comfort zone. All things I had never done before. They were all on my bucket list and I felt a huge sense of achievement and satisfaction ticking them off. All of them were unfamiliar locations.

You see I am a lover of lists. I have a bucket list that currently has 120 items on it along with another 40 before 40 goal list. I have a list of things to do each week and then each day because I love satisfaction of ticking something off once it has been completed.

Lists, goals and challenges are what gets me going. They get me excited, I become motivated and I become elated once I achieve them.

So why not create more challenges? Set goals and work towards them?

I’m not happy with my life as it is so why not change it.

With my new old name comes a new beginning, a new lifestyle and new experiences. I am going to embrace every new challenge and really push myself. 

Things won’t change if you stay in the comfort zone. 

You only get one life.

Remember to live it.